Thursday, May 21, 2009

Are Congressional Democrats Gullible or Just Stupid?

Bush lied.

It’s a familiar refrain, “Bush lied, people died.”

There is something that has bothered me about this classic liberal chant. I thought that Bush was an idiot? Bush was billed by liberals as not only the dumbest man to have ever run for president, but possibly the dumbest person to ever run for any public office in the history of the republic. Yet for all of his mental deficiencies, he was clever enough to hoodwink many of the Democrats in Congress to support the war in Iraq? If that’s true, what does that say about those Democrats in Congress that supported the war? Are they all gullible or just stupid?

Fast forward. Now we look to our Madam Speaker.

The CIA lied…

So now Nancy Pelosi was duped by the CIA? She wants us all to believe that she had no idea that terrorists were being waterboarded. CIA Director Leon Panetta, no pal of the Bush Administration, defended the agency and wrote that Pelosi was briefed about enhanced interrogation techniques back in 2002. So once again the question is; Madam Speaker are you gullible or just stupid?

Do you start to see a pattern here? If you are a liberal and live outside the beltway, are you paying attention to anything that your leaders are saying? I know that if the truth be told, many libs would find North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad more credible than former President George W. Bush. If it is true and Congressional Democrats were easily deceived by the “lies” of an “idiot” like President Bush, can we trust them to evaluate the statements made by Jong-il or Ahmadinejad about nuclear arms?

You would think that liberals would start to question why Democrats in Congress seem to believe and support policies that would be very unpopular with Code Pink and MoveOn.org, until they are called out. The classic liberal defense is that Bush lied to them. Now Democrats in Congress can take a dump on officials in the CIA and claim that they too are liars. Is this believable? Are my liberal friends outside the beltway paying attention? Do you believe what Pelosi is saying? If your answer is yes I have a question for you.

Are you gullible or just stupid?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

If the British Can Ban Michael Savage, Can We Ban Susan Boyle???

I freely admit that I like Michael Savage. He is a conservative that is not in the hip pocket of the Republican Party. I like to call him the Howard Hughes of talk radio, because at times he can be a little bit paranoid. I am not a big fan of his remarks on autism, however if a liberal can say 100 stupid and offensive things and be forgiven (see Bill Maher, Michael Moore, Janeane Garofalo, Sean Penn, George Clooney, Danny Glover, Harry Belafonte, any Dixie Chick, Sandra Bernhard, Matt Damon, Rosanne Barr, Johnny Depp, Keith Olbermann, Cher, Barbara Streisand, Tim Robbins, okay dead horse), I think Mike can say something that he may later regret.

Well as many of you know the United Kingdom announced, for a reason that only makes sense to liberals, that Dr. Savage is not allowed into their country. I am sure Savage is heartbroken. Now he will have to wait for Susan Boyle to come to America to bore him live. As predictable as the sun rising in the morning, there are many liberals commenting on newspaper message boards that this is a great idea. A few are lamenting the fact that OUR government will not ban him. MMMMMMM, hypocrisy.

I can only imagine the outrage if former President George W. Bush hadn't allowed some loudmouthed liberal into the U.S. because of his political views. The left would have gone nuts.

But if a liberal bans a conservative that the libs disagree with, they respond with applause. I find Janeane Garofalo and Bill Maher as disgusting as they find Savage. But should their travel be restricted because I think they are hateful idiots? NO!

This once again proves that liberals love free speech, as long as we agree with them……

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Arlen Specter Uses Other Deaths to Put Down Republicans

I got this from Yahoo News....

Senator Arlen Specter hints Jack Kemp died because of a change in the GOP agenda.

"Well, I was sorry to disappoint many people. Frankly, I was disappointed that the Republican Party didn't want me as their candidate," Mr. Specter said on "Face the Nation." "But as a matter of principle, I'm becoming much more comfortable with the Democrats' approach. And one of the items that I'm working on, Bob, is funding for medical research."

"If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine."

Wow. I talked to Arlen to make sure he meant what he said. He hit me on the hip, and went further. He also believes:

Danny Gans died because TCOT split up.

Dom Deluise died because Justice Souter retired and Republicans will want to filibuster President Obama's nominee to replace him, Jerry Brown.

Bea Arthur died because Republicans want to cut Social Security.

Marilyn Chambers died because the Republican Party wanted to cut funds to Planned Parenthood.

Former Freddie Mac CFO David Kellermann committed suicide after hearing Republican plans to change the name of Freddie Mac to Bernie Mac. He died in vane however, as the Republican Party was reminded that Bernie Mac was a black comedian.

He even went back to 2004, to say that Ronald Reagan passed away because the Republican Party moved too far to the right.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

President Obama Needs to Buy Photoshop

Sometimes the hypocrisy is so blinding it boggles the imagination. Monday, the White House sent a presidential Boeing 747 flying over Manhattan for a photo op. Let us try and forget the insensitivity of having a large plane with fighter jets behind it screaming through New York City in mid-morning. I want to focus on something else.

Note to President Obama; if you want to run General Motors, you can’t use your corporate jet for a photo op. Can you imagine the reaction from the Obama Administration if former GM CEO Rick Wagoner had sent GM 1 on a photo op flight over the Statue of Liberty using taxpayer dollars? Disdain? Anger? Outrage?

And where are our pals in the mainstream media? The silence is deafening.
The budget deficit for 2009 will be somewhere in the neighborhood of 1.8 trillion dollars. I submit that the only difference between GM and the federal government is that GM cannot print its own currency.

Here is a money saving tip for the Obama Administration, get Photoshop. Once you buy it, you can create pictures that have Air Force One flying over the following;

The Taj Mahal
The Kennedy Compound
Disney World
Madonna
Waldo
Al Gore’s house
Cuba
Keith Olbermann’s ego

And it will all be free. Look into it Mr. President!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Snark Factor Store with Fingers Gear is Here! Buy Buy Buy!!!


The Snark Store is open. I have been talking about it for weeks and now it is reality. The Snark Store has shirts, thongs and other cool garb. You know you want it!

The blog has been ignored while we focused on The Snark Factor Radio Show on www.rfcradio.com. We have had some technical difficulties that we think have been ironed out. Find out today at 5 PM!

The new schedule for The Snark Factor on RFC Radio:

Tuesdays at 5PM
Thursdays at 10:30 PM (Repeat)
Saturdays at 7:00 PM (Repeat)

I promise I will write more now that the show is off and running. All I can say is buy your Snark Shirts now. Just click on the link over on the left side of the page. It will complete you!

Fingers

Monday, March 23, 2009

The New Snark Factor Promo!

video





Thanks to my cousin Joe LaDuke for the video work...

Snark News Update.....

A German frozen food company hopes to raise sales with a new product: Obama Fingers. The tender, fried chicken bits come with a tasty curry sauce. The company says it was unaware of the possible racist overtones of the product.

My question is, when have the Germans ever been accused of racism?????

A spokesman for the company said “We have vays of making you eat our Obama Fingers!!”

Reports indicate that there is a New rise of fascism in Austria...In Austria's recent general election, nearly 30 percent of voters backed extremist right-wing parties. No word yet, if this has anything to do with Obama fingers...

Seattle will be a one-newspaper town after Tuesday, when the 146-year-old Seattle Post-Intelligencer prints its last edition. It will continue to live on the internet with a much smaller staff. Just what we need, another liberal blog…

In New York, Governor Paterson said he does not support a proposed $10 tax on patrons of nude and semi-nude dance clubs and bars. He stated that the law would overburden poor working women and the Kennedy Family..

In Illinois, a judge ruled a suburban Chicago homeless man can't run for a seat on a village board because he doesn't have an address. However, the man is still allowed to smell like urine and drink liquor out of a mason jar….

Friday, March 20, 2009

Snark Pop Culture.....

According to Yahoo news, Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new boyfriend. Snark news reports that the guy is beneath her and kind of a loser, because he’s not me…….

Jessica Simpson ended her tour last night in Irvine California. During her performance, she forgot the words to 2 or her songs and stopped singing. The crowd reacted to this by giving her a standing ovation…..

According to The New York Daily News', R&B star Rihanna had multiple meetings for potential features while in New York, one of which is a remake of the lousy 1992 Kevin Costner movie "Bodyguard,"

Not to be outdone by another Diva, Britney Spears announced she would star in a remake of Waterworld.

Beverly Hills police said an arrest warrant has been issued for actress Lindsay Lohan that stems from her 2007 conviction for drunken driving. Lohan spent 84 minutes behind bars in November 2007 for a drunken driving and cocaine possession conviction.

That is a weird coincidence, because whenever I watch a Lindsay Lohan movie, I too feel like I am in jail for 84 minutes…

According to TwitterCounter.com's top 100 list, Britney Spears and Ashton Kutcher are almost as popular as Barack Obama and CNN's Breaking News page. To learn more about this story, go to www.I want to stab myself in the eye with a fork.com……

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey, Blog Header, Other Stuff

The Snark Factor was in Florida for a week. The blog was ignored. The show was not up to snuff. But none the less we press on. I have been asked about the pictures on my blog. Did I really share a smoke with Obama? No, that was the handy work of my cousin Joe LaDuke. Thanks Joe.....

We will now run full force blogging, radio showing, and dominating any other form of media that I come across.

This is the transcript from our sponsor's commercial. Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey is a proud sponsor of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy!

Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey

(Voice of an old man who seems confused)

Greetings and salutations. Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey is a proud sponsor of the Snark Factory with Fingers Malloy….

Ahhh this music takes me back to a time when I would get excited to see Betty Grable’s ankle, and when we didn’t have a pinko commie in the White House…

Normally, most things piss me off naturally. Why did Murder She Wrote go off the air? Why can’t I find Waldo? Why can’t I buy Frankie Valli records at K-Mart anymore?

But when I need an extra boost to full blown rage, I grab a nice warm glass of Pissed off Old Guy Whiskey. It kills the little inner joy I have left, and propels me to cut up the neighborhood kid’s Nerf footballs when they land in my yard…

So, if you want feel like an old coot without all the chafing, have a nice tall glass of Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey today.

Warning, drinking Pissed Off Old Guy Whiskey causes temporary blindness in lab rats.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Snark News....

President Obama this week got together with Congressional Democrats and talked about the importance of fiscal responsibility… In a related story, Amy Winehouse spoke to 300 English soccer hooligans on the importance of sobriety.

A man driving in Oklahoma City was pulled over by a police officer on Wednesday, after the officer observed an anti-Obama sign hanging on the man’s car. The officer later said that he was certain the driver was not an Obama supporter, because the car also had a bumper sticker that read, “I pay my taxes and mortgage on time.”

The Canadian Air Force sent 2 C-18 fighters to intercept an approaching Russian bomber, less than 24 hours before President Obama's visit to Ottawa. The C-18 fighter plane replaced the Canadian Air Force’s previous fighter jet, the C-17 a guy on a hang glider with a Red Ryder BB Gun…… Fighter jet…..

A Canadian Defense Minister said that they take their sovereignty very seriously, and will defend it. A Russian Government spokesman said “Awe, Canada thinks it’s a real country.”

There is still considerable buzz regarding House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's meeting with Pope Benedict. After leaving the Vatican, Pelosi was heard saying “If this whole Catholic Religion thing tanks, this place would make a beautiful Planned Parenthood.”

The Washington Post accidentally published a photo that showed the phone number of one of President Obama’s speech writers. Upon calling the number, it transfers you right to Keith Olbermann’s voice mail. I kid, Keith doesn’t even write for his own show.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Beer Commercial......

Our sponsor on The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy is beer. Beer is the official drink of The Snark Factor. Here is a transcript of our beer ad......


MMMMMM Beer........

For too long, beer has been blamed for the lack of intelligent political debate and discussions at bars by drunken idiots.

Beer is a proud sponsor of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy. We hope that it will elevate our reputation.

Remember:

We didn't come up with the theory that 9/11 was an inside job.

We aren't the ones that said Bush stole the election.

Beer didn't make people think Mark Fuhrman planted the bloody glove. That was all stupid people.

You see.... Beer doesn't make people stupid, public schools do.

So remember what we are here for; to give you an over inflated feeling of self worth and to make ugly people more attractive.

So drink a 12 pack of beer today. It may make Janeane Garofalo look pretty. *


* Warning! Beer is not responsible for the contents of this ad and may not make Janeane Garofalo look pretty....

Monday, March 9, 2009

What is The Snark Factor???? Tuesdays @ 5 on RFC Radio..

I have never really described what The Snark Factor is going to be like. The best way to describe it is do what my buddy at Duke over America did and post the show description from the RFC Radio home page.......

Imagine a radio show that combines the writing style of Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update with the satirical commentary of The Daily Show.

The difference between these shows and The Snark Factor is that this radio show will be written from a right wing point of view. And it will all be jam-packed into 30 minutes.

How is this possible?

Three words:
Fingers Malloy!!

Before joining RFC Radio, Fingers was a comedian; a community organizer; a former beauty pageant contestant in Alaska; a plumber in Ohio; a nominee for President Obama’s Secretary of Awesome; the real Batman; and, thanks to the Patriot Act, he recently illegally wire-tapped your phone calls from a Starbucks in York, Pennsylvania (that last one is for all the paranoid liberals).


So there it is, listen to it Tuesdays at 5PM at www.rfcradio.com

One of the Promos for The Snark Factor....

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Launch of FingersMalloy.com and The Snark Factor!

OK gang. I have been away for a while and with good reason. I have been developing a radio show for WWW.RFCRADIO.COM. For those of you that don't know, that is a new online radio station. RFC stands for Radio for Conservatives. The first show is Tuesday, March 10th at 5 PM. I am excited to get started.

The show is called The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy. Look for it at WWW.RFCRADIO.COM, every Tuesday at 5 PM. From my site, click on the RFC Radio widget and you can listen to the station that way as well.

I also am the proud new owner of WWW.FINGERSMALLOY.COM, which is why there have been some changes to my page. You can access everything you see here on the new domain.

More changes are coming soon. I will blog more, post show content and hopefully one day podcast The Snark Factor. Until then listen to RFC Radio(especially Tuesdays at 5 PM!)

Saturday, February 21, 2009

What Did We Learn This Week?

This was quite a week. What did we learn?

1) People pay more attention to the Facebook Terms of Use than what is in Congressional Legislation.

2) Soon, I may pay your mortgage.

3) The Attorney General thinks I am a coward on race.

4) Your government may use GPS to keep track of how many miles you drive, and tax you based on mileage. Don't worry, it won't keep track of Al Qaeda cars. That would violate their rights.

5) Democrats not only want to censor talk radio, but they want to censor the internet.

6) Even CNBC thinks President Obama is out of control.

7) It is not a good time to own stock in a bank.

8) The Mayor of Chicago wants a camera on every street corner in his city.

9) You can not keep a chimp as a pet. No matter how much lobster you feed it, no matter how many times you let it sleep in your bed, a chimpanzee is still a wild animal.

10) Things aren't good.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Big Changes, Name Changed, Staff Fired.....

A Letter to 1 Hour Martinizing Readers,

Well it has been a bad weekend for America. The stimulus package that could not wait, passed without you being able to read it. However, don't feel bad about not reading it, not one member of Congress read it either.

The bigger and more important news is that I had to change the name of the blog. You see, 1 Hour Martinizing is actually a name of a franchise, who knew? Now that this blog has a following of several hundred thousands, I do not want to get dragged through the legal system. I will leave that to Democrats who try and sell Senate seats. So I changed the name.

Also, because of the tough economy, I had to lay off the 1234 people who brought you this fine example of the new media. It is just me now. Don't worry, I still have the corporate jet.

RFC radio (Radio for Conservatives) launches today. I have added it to the blog, it is on the upper right hand corner. Click it and give her a listen!

Thank you to the many fine people who read this thing. There are more changes to come.

Sincerely,

Fingers Malloy

Friday, February 13, 2009

President Lincoln Vetoed the First Ever Stimulus Package

We do not learn from history. When we say we, we are not referring to the staff at 1 Hour Martinizing. Most of us hold degrees in both History and Bad Assedness. That’s right; we just made up a word, assedness.

No what we really mean is that you do not learn from history. Not you of course, you are a devoted 1 Hour Martinizing reader. You really means America. You know America; it is watching American Idol right now. America is that person that can’t name the Speaker of the House or the Senate Majority Leader, but knows the names of all the kids on Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Abe Lincoln was born 200 years ago yesterday. As a tribute to Honest Abe, we want to dedicate this entry to him. Many people do not realize this, but Abe Lincoln vetoed the first stimulus package that Congress ever passed. It was called the Economic Stimulus Act of 1861. The following is just a portion of a note from President Lincoln to Congress explaining the veto.

“Our nation has entered a time of economic uncertainty. However, I feel that this legislation is an abomination, as it is wasteful of the people’s money.” –President Lincoln February 13, 1861


The bill contained the following spending items.

$20,000 to provide 1 busty wench for every member of Congress

$3000 to purchase “top notch” hooch

$5,000 for buggy whips

A $375 bailout for the pelt industry

$3000 for a sasparilla factory

A tax cut of 1 chicken per household

$250 to build a road

$200,000 for scurvy prevention

$9000 to buy tobaccy

$5000 to promote the phrase “Yee Haw” as the official government greeting

$4000 for hemp

Happy birthday Mr. President.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Nancy Pelosi's 25 Random Things About Me

1 Hour Martinizing is a hard hitting, fact finding, truth spilling machine. It is not some kind of gossip rag like Us Weekly or the New York Times. For example, we passed on the New York Times story that reported Governor Palin’s son Trigg is actually a robot created by Exxon Mobil.

However, sometimes we like to take a day to get away from politics as usual. As many of you who have a Facebook or MySpace account know, 25 Random Things About Me is sweeping the world. Actually it can get to be pretty annoying. Every day, millions of people are tagged to look at meaningless facts about their friends and neighbors.

Today we were given a 25 Random Things About Me authored by the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. The person who gave us this letter wanted to remain anonymous. From now on, he or she will be referred to as Deep Throat 2, the Wrath of Kahn. We will post it below, and hope that you learn something about our Madam Speaker.

25 Random Things About Me – Nancy Pelosi

1. I am Speaker of the House.
2. I once asked George W. Bush “boxers or briefs?”
3. I count Harry Reids when I can’t sleep at night.
4. I think abortion should be legal up to the 53rd trimester.
5. I shot a man in the Reno, just to watch him die.
6. I get 500 million and 500 thousand mixed up.
7. I spend 500 million like it’s 500 thousand.
8. I love Aquanet! (Editor’s note, this was reported earlier in a 1 Hour Martinizing exclusive.)
9. My favorite band is Dexy’s Midnight Runner.
10. I’m watching you.
11. Yes you.
12. For years I thought Majority Whip was a dessert topping.
13. Barack Obama is my new BFF and he is like, TOTALLY a cutie.
14. I put orange marmalade on everything.
15. I brake for bingo.
16. I once played 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
17. I once vomited after 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
18. OMG! Bill Clinton just walked into my office and offered to show me his stimulus package.
19. I live in San Francisco; there is nothing funny about that.
20. I own a time share in Florida with Rush Limbaugh (shh, don’t tell anyone.)
21. I own a Hummer H3, but to make up for it I hug a tree daily.
22. For six years I had a secret crush on Dick Cheney.
23. I have 1 tattoo. It is a tramp stamp of Tip O’Neill’s face.
24. I call my husband Stedman just to piss him off.
25. I get all of my news from 1 Hour Martinizing!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

New Era of Responsibility

We were saddened to see Tom Daschle withdraw his nomination on Tuesday to be President Obama's Health and Human Services Secretary. Many people have been making fun of a couple of President Obama’s Cabinet nominees because they failed to pay a small percentage of their income taxes. We here at 1 Hour Martinizing are above such folly.

We got a direct message on Twitter from a high ranking member of the Obama Administration. I can’t say his name, but it rhymes with Dom Himmanugel. He gave us the name of the new nominee for Health and Human Services Secretary. We were assured that he has a better track record with the IRS than Daschle. We wish Mr. Wesley Snipes the best of luck.

On the lighter side of the news, President Obama was on NBC again. He said he “screwed up” by nominating a couple of people to serve on his cabinet who forgot to pay their taxes. In a show of solidarity, NBC released a statement claiming that it too has screwed up before, and is sorry for the following;

MSNBC
Clash of the Choirs
Veronica’s Closet
Mad About You
Freeks & Geeks
DAG
The Michael Richards Show
The XFL
American Gladiators (with Hulk Hogan)
Average Joe
The Apprentice (Martha Stewart)
The Book of Daniel
Joey
Celebrity Cooking Showdown
Imus in the Morning
The Real Wedding Crashers
Jay Leno
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Thank God You’re Here
Grease: You’re the One That I Want
Fear Factor
Tucker Carlson
My Own Worst Enemy
Lipstick Jungle
Rosie Live!!!!
Knight Rider (Remake)
Keith Olbermann
And for canceling Alf.

This truly is a new era of responsibility…..

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Super Bowl Lauer/Obama Interview, The Anti-Frost/Nixon

Well it was that time of year again, the Super Bowl. We here at 1 Hour Martinizing decided to take a day off from doing our research in our continuing effort to bring you the best political commentary in our nation’s history. It was not an easy decision; we know how much we mean to you. However, we are all human, and the hundreds of people that bring you 1 Hour Martinizing needed to let loose. The 1 Hour Martinizing Super Bowl party was off the hook y'all!

We thought it would be a day without politics. That came crashing to a halt during hour 16 of the NBC Super Bowl Pre-Game Show, when Matt Lauer interviewed President Obama, live!

At that point, we knew that our hard earned break had come to an end. This is NBC and Matt Lauer, interviewing President Obama. We figured it would be entertaining and we were not disappointed. Here is a partial transcript from the interview. I must confess that none of us had a pen or notebook; it was a Super Bowl party remember? This is what we heard and how we remember the interview.

Matt Lauer: Good evening Mr. President.

President Obama: Hello Matt.

Matt Lauer: (looking into the camera) Oh my God he called me Matt! This is too cool!

President Obama: Relax Matt. We have done this before. And will you please stop trying to hump my leg.

Matt: But I did it during the whole campaign, why stop now?

President Obama: It’s not Presidential Matt, will you please just start the interview.

Matt: Sorry Mr. President. May I call you President Awesome?

President Obama: Sure Matt, whatever makes you comfortable.

Matt: President Awesome, what makes you so awesome?

President Obama: Matt, it’s important that we get the stimulus package passed.

Matt: You received not one Republican vote in the House last week? Why do the Republicans suck?

President Awesome: Matt, that was close to a real question, and I told you earlier I will not answer a real question.

Matt: You had me at hello.

President Awesome: This interview is over.

Matt: I wish I knew how to quit you.

President Awesome: Okay now you have to go.


It gets a little fuzzy after that because we stopped caring, but that is how we remember it. If you missed it, President Awesome will be on the Today Show tomorrow.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Very Simulating

The staff at 1 Hour Martinizing has been working tirelessly to read every single page of the 900 billion dollar Obama Stimulus Package. By “working tirelessly” I mean, reading this bill makes us sleepy; which means we are actually tired, so we aren’t working tirelessly.

After reading the first part of it, we have renamed it the Stimulus Undermining Capitalism pacKage, or SUCK. What? There is a K in package…..

The following spending items are contained in SUCK.

650 Million dollars for Digital TV Coupons.

21 Million dollars for sod.

500 Million dollars to find the Lindbergh baby. *

32 Million dollars for Silly String at Congressional Parties. *

1.6 Billion dollars to purchase Gloria Vanderbilt perfume and Aquanet hairspray for the Speaker of the House. *

32 dollars for a bitchin Governor Blagojevich wig for Senator Harry Reid. *

1.8 billion dollars allocated to a Pez plant in Seattle.*

5 Bucks for you. *

300 Million dollars for research to create a recipe for “Spanish Fly.” *

We were also very disappointed to hear that in a meeting with Congressional Republicans; President Obama said “ You need to stop listening to 1 Hour Martinizing if you want to get things done.”

At first we were quite upset, until a source inside the meeting reminded us that Congressional Republicans rarely listen to conservatives.

* I made these up, but a study done by Michigan State University concluded that my made up plan is not any dumber than the actual plan, and would be just as effective to stimulate the economy.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

To All 1 Hour Martinizing Readers....

What a tremendous success the last few days have been. I have been simply overwhelmed by the positive feedback I have received from the thousands of people who have chosen 1 Hour Martinizing as their favorite place, for everything ever.

Let me share with you just a couple of the kind letters that I have received.

Dear 1 Hour Martinizing,

I was once just a poor, community organizer trying to make a difference in the city of Chicago. I didn’t know where to turn, I felt like I was going nowhere.

Then I found 1 Hour Martinizing. It gave me the confidence and swagger that made me get on with my bad self. I have reached the pinnacle of my career dreams. I owe it all to you. It not only changed my life, but as far as I can tell, it changed the entire human race. You are doing God’s work. Thank you, you complete me.

Sincerely,
Barry Barrington
Regional Director
Regional Director Incorporated

There is more, check this out.

Dear 1 Hour Martinizing,

Just a short time ago, I was a beauty pageant contestant in the great state of Alaska. While on the outside I am kind of a hottie, my insides knew that my life had no meaning.

But then I found 1 Hour Martinizing. Did it change my life? You Betcha!

I am confident, self motivated, fertile, and have achieved so much in so little time. Some people even compare me to a pit bull, and wonder if I will ever just go away.

Your blog is the best. Other websites can imitate, but to me they are just trying to put lipstick on a pig. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Sincerely,
Sandy Sanderson
Governor
Where Are They Now Foundation

Thank you to Barry and Sandy, and to all of you out there for making 1 Hour Martinizing what it is today, the single most influential political and lifestyle blog man has ever known.

God bless us one and all…

Monday, January 26, 2009

National Health Care, The New Government Cheese

You ever have government cheese? It looks gross. It smells gross. It comes in a big block, because the government can't figure out how to slice it efficiently. It's like Velveeta's red headed step child(my apologies to red headed step children, and to cheese lovers for referring to Velveeta as cheese.)

We have a new liberal president. So naturally the national debate will now turn to health care. The libs want national health care and they want it now. It sounds wonderful. The government will pay for your health care. The government can do it, right? Well to get a better feel for what national health care looks like, let us look to our red headed step child to the north, Canada (my apologies to red headed step children for comparing them to Canadians.)

This is from the CBCNEWS.CA;

"Despite government promises and the billions of dollars funnelled into the Canadian health-care system, the average patient waited more than 18 weeks in 2007 between seeing their family doctor and receiving the surgery or treatment they required," said Nadeem Esmail, director of Health System Performance Studies at the Fraser Institute and co-author of the report, in a release( www.cbc.ca/health/story/2007/10/15/fraser-report.html. )"

Here are more fun facts from the Frasier Institute report(a non-partisan group.) What if you need an MRI? That's a 10 week wait. If your doctor thinks you may have a brain tumor and sends you off for a CT scan, that's a 5 week wait. How would you like be a part of this conversation?

"Hey Mr. Johnson, we think you may have a brain tumor. We will know more in 5 weeks, have a nice day."

National health care is great, until you get sick.

But it's free, the government pays for it. Well that means we all pay for it.

"The average tax rate in Canada is higher than in the United States. In Canada total tax and non-tax revenue for every level of government equals about 37% of GDP, compared to the U.S. rate of 27%( www.diffen.com.)"

So long waits, rationed service and higher taxes. Sounds like a great plan!

I know some will say that we can do it better. But name me anything the government does better than the private sector?

Social Security (going bankrupt.)
Medicare (soon to be bankrupt.)
Disaster relief (there are still people on roofs in New Orleans.)
Blow up other countries(okay, they are good at that.)

There is no doubt something needs to be done about health insurance. Too many people don't have it, and those that are insured are struggling to pay high premiums and co-pays. But there is one thing that will bring costs down, competition. And that my friends can only be possible if it stays out of government hands. The private sector can provide good health care and make better cheese.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It begins.......

Due to popular demand(2 people), I have created a blog. How exciting, another blogger! It's just what the world needs, that and Socialism(don't worry, that's on the way too)!

I will mentally vomit all over this screen, spewing my takes on current events, pop culture, entertainment, and my thoughts on writing a screenplay for Porky's 4. In my world it would star Tara Reid and Dustin Diamond. It would be the feel good hit of 2010.

Just a heads up, I am a right-winger. How right wing? If I could, I would marry Ann Coulter and carry her baby. And I acknowledge that we are now in a left-wing world, where we hug terrorists and wait for our big fat Obama checks in the mail. I have accepted this, but that will not stop me from criticizing the new guy as much as the libs bashed the last guy(I didn't care for the last guy either, except for that whole keeping us safe for the past 7 years thing).

Good night Saturday.....